by camgnum
Moms don’t make your son a substitute
spouse
because your marriage is bad or you’re divorced.
Mom was almost 29 and I was three
When we left to live with her mommy.
Mom told me that I was her little man.
Something single moms should not say for things can get out of hand.
Soon mom called me “the man of the house”
Her hocus pocus was merely a trap for me like a mouse.
Mom had me in her trap–being the man of the house.
What the hell, mom, I felt like I was your spouse!
Dam mom what is going on?
Like I was no longer just mom’s son.
I knew what mom was doing was also dam wrong.
But mom was in control, so I had to go along.
Mom getting married again was her escape ticket
manipulated by a bunch of hocus pocus.
Bringing happiness to mom became my exclusive focus.
She told when she remarried, “Babe, you will always be mom’s little man”
The type of man she married made it all the easier to carry out her plan.
Marrying him was mom’s ticket to liberty.
However, for me it was just continuing my slavery.
When I was 14 and she was a year past 39
Oh God, I wish those emotions and memories had not flashed back into my mind.
You were fed up with me protesting for freedom now that you had a new man,
But you told me to shut up about reminding you over and over again.
A faceless male, much like an object without its own identity.
Been set up for submission since before puberty.
And threatened to treat me like a girl again
If I did not shut up and give in.
Mom divorced dad in order to raise me on a pink pillow.
It felt like she was raising me to be her boy/girl willow.
Mom, everything was all about you even if you had, had a little girl.
Dam the memory of your telling me yes indeed you had wished for a girl.
I could care less about my strong finger nails and that girls spent money to get their hair to do what mine did according to it’s length and the humidity.
Yet you spent a lot of money trying to stop both of my ears from growing naturally.
Not to mention, running down my dad constantly.
Telling me at first he had died while attempting to keep him away successfully.
Commenting about what did my future wife see in me.
Sure did a lot for my masculinity
Get it?, I’m being sarcastic intentionally.
Mom told me not to worry, feel angry etc., because she would do enough for the two of us.
Mom, might as well said, my feelings don’t count for it’s mom and her emotions because in her mind there was no us.
Mom, you came into my room
when I’d rather had been left alone.
As it was in the beginning very early,
it seemed to ever still be
that being her little man meant I belonged to mom.
What you did met your needs at my expense was dam wrong.
It was all about you, mom, all along.
See how my identity has been in you, mom, as your little man.
Raised me on a pink pillow on the inside, but on the outside I am all man.
Mom, you told me in my early 30ties
that you knew not meeting my emotional needs was wrong & in life would cause me pain a plenty
but only now that you are dying am I free to have my own identity.
However, mom you said that not meeting my emotional needs, was that you just could not help it.
Well, your sister to her 3 sons did the same thing plus the extra kind of shit.
Mom the past met your needs but it was dam wrong!
These same words to your sick younger sister do belong!
Your nephews made videos that are so wrong,
Those boys put her face in places they don’t belong.
“She’s a Brick House” was their chosen song.
Your sister told me that I could make you a video like this too,
But first she wanted to get a copy of her that initial video to you.
Mom, you might well think so still, but I’m not ‘mom’s little man.
But, I’m no longer mom’s enmeshed man.
Making a video for you like that sister of yours showed me
Does not take expensive technology.
Oh, yeah I could put your face in places it does not belong,
But that would be wrong.
Your theme song would not be the same as her’s either,
Nah, it would be “She’s a man eater
She’ll chew you up and she’ll rip your world apart.
She’s deadly man
And I’m sure those nephews understand
Cause I’m all messed up and live with a trampled on heart.
I’ll be so glad, when you depart.
This day, this hour, this minute, this second, leave planet earth right now
Either from a heart attack or a stroke, I don’t care how.
There was much punishment you deserved before becoming elderly.
Some things are going in the grave with you as you go into eternity.
I do have an identity.
And I belong to God and me.
I have a loving wife who still sees something in me.
It’s your loss, for she is not the enemy.
Do you now feel helpless now like I did?
Do you even wish that you were already dead?
I’ve had that idea too fly into my head.
I’m not lying,
I’m glad you are dying
For as you are, I’m finally thriving
You are no longer the one totally in
control
All you have before you is being put in a six foot deep hole.
How I hate your objectification.
Spent years seeking salvation.
Your ending is but my beginning.
Thus, for you it is the end.
But for me it is a new day to begin.
And you said I would see that you were
not the bad one in the end.
Your drama is in its last act as well as about to end.
Dam, considering my history,
Is it any surprise that I did not get married until I was past 30ty?
I wish this could all end sweetly,
But mama, you’re the enemy
You knew it was wrong, but you did it anyway.
Knew it would cause me pain indefinitely.
Facing your own eternity, and this time you are through,
The train’s whistle sounds for you.