Category: Childhood abuse

That’s My Dad

by Mark Pettersson

As a child "thats my dad" I told.
With pride and glee I looked up to him as he stood bold.
No-one could scorn him for fear of me, they would hold.

When he threw his fists of anger in rage I'd shed a tear,
for I thought he was a man they all should fear.
Fear and anger should not be of one held so dear.

The older I grew the clearer it became the man knew was not the same.
No fear or tears when I heard his name, for this is the man who should be put to shame.

Farewell my father of what I knew then, for no shame on me for what little I know now.
A tear of memories for what I knew.
A tear of sadness for what I rue.
A tear of sadness for the man who stood before me, no more will see.

No fear, no resentment for that man I called dad, I love him, I cared for him and mourne him, should be.
For he is the man who made me, me. Dad I love you R.I.P.
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Rage

by Trinity Rayne

Most people are filled with hate and rage
It is trapped inside them like a cage
Hate and rage twist loved ones up into a stranger you no longer know
The hate and rage snuff out their loving glow
All you want is the old person to come back again
You wonder will this strange person before you always remain?
Rage and hate cause people pain
It will turn someone insane
This person before you is bitter and filled with sadness
This world is filled with unending madness
Will hate and rage always linger?
I wish people can change back to themselves with a snap of a finger
I miss how things used to be
I wish things can go back and be easy
Why cant the world and people in it be full of glee?
Rage and hate will be purged if that were so and everyone can finally be free
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Bull

by Trinity Rayne

I never met anyone quite as stubborn as a bull
I've came across two in my lifetime even though that was never my goal
He bucks and bucks you until you're away so far
He doesn't listen because he's bullheaded leaving scar upon scar
I get hurt repeatedly even though i kept getting back on
I got hurt by the bull and now im so far gone
I let the bull best me and hurt me on repeat
But if i don't let the bull grab me by my own horns then i can't live in defeat
I wish i knew better than to trust an animal with such hatred in his heart
As long as i find my own way then it will be easy to no longer fall apart
I came across two bulls that can no longer make me lose my fight
It's time i stand up and finish my story that i have always intended to write
The bull has tried to ruin me and throw me off to where I can't finish the race
The bull has put me down and tried to make me feel shame with such disgrace
But if I don't let the bull conquer control or destroy me from the outside in
I shall never let the bull take over me and win
All I can do now is grab the bull by the horns and walk away from the pain it leaves behind
If I stay and let the bull control me ill lose my mind
As long as I am around the bull i will always feel its wrath
All i can do is get off the bull and find my own destiny and path
But as I said before I've came across not just one bull but two
As long as I try to tame them both ill never make it through
What's worse is these bulls I loved and held dear
But these bulls made me cry and shed tear after tear
They bucked me off and made me feel shattered and broken
They always made me have words left that never mattered and unspoken
But I decided to be more bull headed and go my own way
Because pain will accumulate the more that i stay
These bulls I've climbed on I will no longer ride
I'll be more tough than them and hold onto my pride
All i have left from this is my dignity
From these bulls I can now say that I'm finally free
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Estrange

by Trinity Rayne

It's ok to let people who are toxic go
It's ok to get away from their cold grasp you know
It's ok to walk away and not take the fall anymore
It's ok to walk away from people who keep hurting you like before
It's ok to distant yourself from poison and not look back
It's ok to leave behind people who put you in a void so black
It's ok to heal your mind from those that confuse your troubled brain
It's ok to save your sanity and save yourself from more pain
It's ok to make these kinds of choices that are the best for you
It's ok to leave no matter if they don't want you to
It's ok to remove yourself from the drama they create that will never settle
It's ok to remove yourself from people who do nothing but interfere and meddle
It's ok to isolate yourself from those who stay in control
It's ok to not surround yourself with those who make your life empty and not full
It's ok to escape those who are negative and drain you as they leave a scar
It's ok to not give into their temptations anymore and distance yourself so far
It's ok to feel tired of their endless rollercoaster ride
It's ok to let them go and make the choice that they can't so you can be satisfied
It's ok to leave them so you can heal from the wounds that they inflict
It's ok to escape their smothering that's oh so strict
It's ok to explore your life without them find out things you never even known
It's ok to think for yourself and make choices as your own
It's ok to escape their world of hurt and words that slash at you like a blade
It's ok to run away from them since all they do is degrade
All these people do is weigh you down and leave a stinging burn
It's ok to never look back and never return
All these people say are sweet nothing's empty promises and lies
It's ok to feel ok that you wish to cut their ties
All these people are venomous and usually never change
It's ok to move forward to get on with your life and from them you estrange
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Trapped

by Trinity Rayne

Have you ever been trapped up in endless ruts
But you couldn't leave or get out of them because you didnt have the guts
Have you ever felt like you couldn't think with the noises in and outside of your head
Have you ever felt so trapped you were almost numb and dead
Have you ever wished that you could just escape
Have you ever wished your life was in better shape
Did u wish you had a better future but felt trapped where you are now
Did you wish you could escape your maze you're trapped in somehow
Did you feel like you were smothering like an animal in a cage
Have you ever felt emotions you wish you can rid of like sadness and rage
Have you ever felt you've been caught up in a tornado and swallowed whole
Have you always felt boring and always dull
Have you felt trapped and like things would never change
Have you felt like you werent your self for a long time and completely strange
Trapped is how i feel
Trapped for me has become real
I feel trapped and never free
I feel like I will never get to ever just be me
How do I not feel trapped anymore
Tell me how has anyone escaped their prison and walked out the door
How can you escape the curse
How do you keep from feeling worse
How do you stop feeling trapped and feeling hopeless and sad
How do you stop to keep from going mad
Will I ever escape the demons that haunt my dreams
Will i ever stop screaming my internal screams
Will i ever find my way out and find the key to an everlasting smile
I just want to stop feeling trapped so that life can once again be worth my while
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Mermaid

by Trinity Rayne

When I was younger I wished I was a mermaid swimming with the fish and in the open sea
I wished I could breathe underwater and live in it carefree
I watched some movie about a mermaid wanting to be on legs and on land
I thought her world was so much better than the place we live above so bland
Who doesn't want to swim with dolphins and talk to other sea creatures
Plus having a beautiful tail fin would be one of the greatest features
She wanted to give up her life below for someone she barely knew
She wanted to give up her life down in the deep sea so blue
If I were her i would have stayed and made friends with all the fish
Being a mermaid was one thing I wanted as my wish
It was only a story and fairytale that would never happen for me I'm afraid
I'll have to accept my life up here as someone who is not a mermaid
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Wolf

by Trinity Rayne

It would be cool to be a wolf and travel in a pack
It'd be great knowing that you'll have family that fights for you and has your back
You could eat sleep and use the bathroom wherever you please
But one disadvantage would be never ending fleas
Wolves are loving towards each other in a pack and so loyal
Then you have an alpha wolf who is basically like a ruler so royal
Itd be great to be a wolf and be on top of the food chain
If I were an alpha wolf id be ruler over my own domain
The life of a wolf sounds like it wouldn't be too bad
Sometimes they have territories they stay at or sometimes they're all individually like a traveling nomad
Wolves are beautiful to look at and sound beautiful when you hear their howls
They get to be wild and live among the deer and the owls
But a wolf can have issues too just like any other living thing that breathes
A wolf is similar to a pissed off human being who seethes
A wolf can be beautiful but also a deadly force
They protect things they hold dear without remorse
When they howl at the moon it's quite a sound to behold
They can either be loving or be distant and cold
In a way were similar to this canine
Except of course we don't have fur so fine
They protect their own and fight for it
Have an attitude and dedication like the wolf and never quit
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Vampire

by Trinity Rayne

What is it like to be a vampire that is a creature with no soul
They can exist in your everyday life draining asshole
They suck your life away slowly day by day
Making you speechless with nothing to say
Watch out for that kind of vampire
They only leave hate they inspire
They don't necessarily have to suck your blood
They drag your name through the mud
They belittle you and criticize
They leave empty promises behind and tell white lies
They fall through on everything they promised you
If you're not careful you can end up a vampire too
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Web

by Trinity Rayne

I’ll tell you a story of a fly stuck in a spiders web
The fly struggled to break free as its power began to ebb
The fly wished to fly away and escape the web it got trapped into
The fly wanted to survive and hoped to make it through
The fly wanted to fight back and get out of the web somehow
But instead the fly felt it should give in then kneel down and bow
I am that fly caught in my trap i can’t get out of
I am that fly trapped in a web of lies and no love
I became prey to the spider since there’s nothing else that I can be
All the blood and life has been sucked dry right out of me
I couldn’t escape the web no matter how much I tried
I was stuck in the web where I have died
There was no hope for the fly no matter how much it fought
Don’t become like me like the fly that was caught
I was just a meaningless pest buzzing around your head
I was a fly that served no purpose up until I was soon to be dead
Now you know the ending of the fly in the web and what it had become
I was the fly who was good for nothing like nasty scum
I was sadly in the wrong time and the wrong place
I was a vile creature full of shame and disgrace
I was the fly that was forever entangled in my web trap
That was my life and that’s a wrap

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Man In The Mask

by Trinity Rayne

How did you manage to change with little to no resist
It felt almost like a story in the middle of a plot twist
I can't tell how you'll be from one moment to another
I can't tell when you'll be aloof and distant or be clingy and smother
I don't know which side of yours is the real you
Your unpredictability makes me scared of what you'll do
I dont know which side of you I should believe
I lost track of you as you began to deceive
Who is this person that's behind the mask
I'm afraid I won't know the answer even if I ask
I'm left with more questions and doubt
I don't know anymore what true love is all about
Because of you I can't tell anymore what is fake or real
When you were in my life I didn't like how you made me feel
Your emotions were just all over the place
Behind the man in the mask I feel ill never know your real face
I will never unmask who you really are
All you'll just keep doing is leaving an emotional scar
All you've managed to do is break my heart
I never knew the real you even from the start
Everything we've had is built on a lie
You've managed to fool everyone all because you're sly
It's me you have hurt the most deep
I wash my hands of you because it's my sanity I wish to keep
There will always be a man in the mask hidden underneath
I realize now that you're fake as false teeth
The man in the mask I'll never see
I can finally let him go and just be
The man in the mask will never be revealed
Because the mask he puts on is his own protective shield
His words and actions are as painful as whiplash
He's treated me disposable just like trash
The way he treated me he relished it and took pleasure
But instead of being trash I tell myself I am treasure
The man in the mask put me through hell
But in the beginning it was just like a fairytale
I got the courage and the strength to let him go
I can rewrite a fairytale ending only I will come to know
The man in the mask was like a dragon waiting to be slayed
The man in the mask wears a pokerface with his cards waiting to be played
In the end I know this to be a fact
He played me good and it was all an act
I'm better off without him trying to run the show
If he tries to come back in I'm just going to tell him no
My life is the door he may knock at but I'll never let him back in
I never want to see the man in the mask again
I'll leave him out in the cold and let him think about what he's done
The man in the mask go away you've had your fun
He may one day regret what he's ever done to me
The man in the mask had me in chains but now I'm finally broke free
The man in the mask is gone and he's had his laughter
Meanwhile I'm out here living my own happy ever after
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