by Mindy

Chaos and confusion,
Fiercely made within,
Anxiety and fear,
Knows exactly where I’ve been.

One moment there is goodness,
One moment emotions are intense,
One moment I cannot feel anything,
It doesn’t make any sense.

Can you hear the screams within me?
The frustrations and the overwhelm?
Can you hear the others laughing,
They have no idea of my hell!

I want to be accepting,
I want to be open and free,
I want to never have to dwell,
On the person that is me.

We all have a soul,
who fights some battle,
There are fragments of disgust and hurt,
We all have a soul,
Who fights some battle,
Who needs time to scream and assert.

If we will never be different,
And we will never ever change,
I wonder if I’ll be healthy again,
Or Will I continue to be the same?

It’s terrifying to feel empty,
Not a space to be open for love,
It’s terrifying to feel nothing,
A hole that even God can’t be part of.

Time...it seems to be ticking,
Time...is wasting away,
Freedom, at last for my hurting,
There are Parts that just need to stay.

A protection of all the fragments,
That have gathered like a guard,
Fencing off my heart,
They will have no disregard.

They will not fight and they will not share,
They have a fire that they will start,
Hurting all the trespassers,
Who underestimate their ability to tear us apart.

It’s all we know we have,
We are one United pack,
Destroying all the goodness,
And embracing all we lack.

Understanding we won’t let you down,
There’s No shame that will ever escape,
We will continue to keep you safe and sound,
You’re Not growing because we must wait.

It is not safe for her to show you how,
Her mind was broke that day,
It’s not safe for her to show you now,
That’s why you need to stay.

Like a butterfly, deciding,
to move forward and to die,
Cocooned and spun to mush,
Wipe your eyes if you must cry.

She may not believe this as her fate,
She may try to run when she can’t see,
But I guarantee she’s stronger,
Than we all seem to think she’ll be.

Independent and beautiful,
The butterfly will emerge,
Trusting only a few that love,
Her story she will purge.

Then faith will give her power,
There will be no more control,
She will be able to let go of the fear,
Reunited with her soul.

There will be one day the feelings,
Of love and kindness and trust,
Compassion, joy and pride will show,
Healing is a must.

We will take her to the end,
One day we will truly let you see,
Heaven or hell is with us,
That is all that’s left to be.

Good or bad,
Love or hate,
I will never let anyone down,
Uncontrollable actions,
Chaos and battle, we are bound.

Forever
Needing to accept and Let go

by Mindy

Staring out

Into a space so vast,

Wondering how long

The illusion will last?



What will my mind

Make of all the pain,

What will my heart,

Do with all the shame?



I’m tired and afraid,

I’ve longed for this day,

I’m tired and afraid,

What will my words say?



I just want to connect,

But all that it brings,

Is hate and mistrust,

And love that is mean.



Unfair and intense,

I want to scream and shout,

Ugly and unbearable,

To that, there is no doubt.



Less in my head,

Moving cautiously around,

Feeling in your body,

Until compassion is found.



Hold on to that hope,

Let all the failure subside,

Take notice of sensations,

Doing their best to hide.



Be kind and be gentle,

In this moment, right now,

Be brave and be quiet,

You will get out some how.



Empty your thoughts,

Bring the feelings ahead,

Accept what is there,

You’re alive, you’re not dead!



Tingling sensations,

Cover me up,

Fill my body with essence,

Laid out and cut.



Can I finally let go,

Can I finally be free?

It’s just a matter of time,

Until we can all see.



What if I

Could take it all away?

What if I

Could be free for just a day?



Would I still long for the connection,

Or would I surrender to it all,

Would I long for the forgiveness,

Or would I just continue to fall?



Escaping all the feels,

The thoughts up in my head!

Escaping all the noise,

That continues to be fed.



Someone please!

Hold me close, hold me tight!

Share with me a love,

That even my worst thoughts can fight!



Give me some meaning,

Bring light to the dark,

Show me there’s something better,

Some goodness straight from the heart.



Will I ever be my own person?

Will I ever be open to life?

To the existence of freedom,

And the right to recognize?



I feel empty and afraid,

Wandering aimlessly through days,

Fighting for what?

Simply to obey?!?



Meaningless and illogical,

Everything is chaotic and a mess,

Full of days with sadness,

Leaning oh so closer to death.



Know that it’s for the better,

Know there is not one person who can help,

I’d be lying if I saw a future,

For a bettering of myself.



Does that make me a bad person?

I am really not for sure.

Seeking out solace amongst us,

Finding methodology, it’s all such a blur.



Is what I’m feeling for real?

Is it Based on truth and justice alone?

Why am I Hated by so many?

Secretly feeling a life I disown.



Who am I to trust?

Who am I to care?

Life without my bullshit,

Is a life I must not share.



Each and every part,

Of each and every day,

Must be remembered for the good times,

For all the times we prayed.



It’s ok to let go of hurt,

It’s ok to let go of your soul,

Created within loving hands,

A God that will console.



Staring out

Into a space so vast,

Wondering how long

This illusion will last?



Take me home today!

Breathe deep within your chest!

Help me Pick up the pieces,

And and let go of all the rest!



In a fog of deep mistrust!

In a space that in complete,

Make time to love your littles,

Before it’s obsolete.

by Heather Rae

It doesn't have to be
the not guilty plea
splats the floor
dripping from the tips
of my mind's
fingers,
straining
to right
the bunching
of the window blind.
perfect.
It doesn't have to be,
like a jester
drawing me
with a cartwheel,
it's rivets fail
to pry my sights
from catching
the crook
of the picture frame
from plummetting
to a certain
demise.
perfect.
It doesn't have to be,
each word dangles
from a red balloon
in the assured swallow
from the hankering sky.
my thinking
sits in the sweaty clutch
of a child , aging
with each questioned step,
begging her pole to answer.
perfect.
It doesn't have to be,
but the chair leg
kicks me and screams
"I'm wrong",
ignoring the tears
accept an occasional
swipe at my nose,
the table
with it's obvious tells,
lets it's joker
lead the way
to where the edges
find peace.
perfect.
It doesn't have to be,
but, but lines
bang the gavel,
folds cry for a crease,
I shall die in this
dissonant dive!
My left hand lays
across the fathers
cracked cover,
my right
pulled by
the puppet masters
string,
"Yes" I swear,
solemnly to
hold corners,
keep her steady
this dark horse
I sally
til perfect,
It doesn't have to be.