In A Fog

by Mindy

Staring out

Into a space so vast,

Wondering how long

The illusion will last?



What will my mind

Make of all the pain,

What will my heart,

Do with all the shame?



I’m tired and afraid,

I’ve longed for this day,

I’m tired and afraid,

What will my words say?



I just want to connect,

But all that it brings,

Is hate and mistrust,

And love that is mean.



Unfair and intense,

I want to scream and shout,

Ugly and unbearable,

To that, there is no doubt.



Less in my head,

Moving cautiously around,

Feeling in your body,

Until compassion is found.



Hold on to that hope,

Let all the failure subside,

Take notice of sensations,

Doing their best to hide.



Be kind and be gentle,

In this moment, right now,

Be brave and be quiet,

You will get out some how.



Empty your thoughts,

Bring the feelings ahead,

Accept what is there,

You’re alive, you’re not dead!



Tingling sensations,

Cover me up,

Fill my body with essence,

Laid out and cut.



Can I finally let go,

Can I finally be free?

It’s just a matter of time,

Until we can all see.



What if I

Could take it all away?

What if I

Could be free for just a day?



Would I still long for the connection,

Or would I surrender to it all,

Would I long for the forgiveness,

Or would I just continue to fall?



Escaping all the feels,

The thoughts up in my head!

Escaping all the noise,

That continues to be fed.



Someone please!

Hold me close, hold me tight!

Share with me a love,

That even my worst thoughts can fight!



Give me some meaning,

Bring light to the dark,

Show me there’s something better,

Some goodness straight from the heart.



Will I ever be my own person?

Will I ever be open to life?

To the existence of freedom,

And the right to recognize?



I feel empty and afraid,

Wandering aimlessly through days,

Fighting for what?

Simply to obey?!?



Meaningless and illogical,

Everything is chaotic and a mess,

Full of days with sadness,

Leaning oh so closer to death.



Know that it’s for the better,

Know there is not one person who can help,

I’d be lying if I saw a future,

For a bettering of myself.



Does that make me a bad person?

I am really not for sure.

Seeking out solace amongst us,

Finding methodology, it’s all such a blur.



Is what I’m feeling for real?

Is it Based on truth and justice alone?

Why am I Hated by so many?

Secretly feeling a life I disown.



Who am I to trust?

Who am I to care?

Life without my bullshit,

Is a life I must not share.



Each and every part,

Of each and every day,

Must be remembered for the good times,

For all the times we prayed.



It’s ok to let go of hurt,

It’s ok to let go of your soul,

Created within loving hands,

A God that will console.



Staring out

Into a space so vast,

Wondering how long

This illusion will last?



Take me home today!

Breathe deep within your chest!

Help me Pick up the pieces,

And and let go of all the rest!



In a fog of deep mistrust!

In a space that in complete,

Make time to love your littles,

Before it’s obsolete.