Category: Trauma Survivor

Mom

by Susan Sewell

She saw their bruises, they couldn’t hide,
Her quiet screams, she held inside,
She felt their pain, she suffered too,
She’s lost herself, she had no clue,
Her children cry, their voices torn,
She didn’t care, she didn’t mourn,
She was there, supposed to protect,
What else would you expect?
Was it fear of what comes next?
The guilt weighs heavy on her chest,
For every tear she didn’t wipe,
Her kids were hurt, they held a gripe,
She saw their tears, she didn’t defend,
How did she expect her kids to mend?
She wonders if they’ll ever know,
The love she felt but didn’t show,
The bruises healed, the scars remain,
She chose the bottle to numb her pain,
The mother they knew, they couldn’t find,
They only remember being left behind,
Her heart must ache, but she won’t speak,
Her strength is gone, her will is weak,
Does she realize what she’s lost?
Her children’s love, the silent cost,
Years have passed and nothings done,
She never earned the title, Mom!
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Rejected my Soul

by Melody Evans

I wrote her a poem
I bared my soul
It was raw

I gave her my soul
She put it in her bag
Where it stayed

She hasn't read it 
2 weeks on
Rejection again

Couldn't be bothered
To read the words of her child
It hurts

I try to empathise
But whatever way I look at it
There is no excuse

She knew what it meant to me
But still didn't make the time
She has rejected me

She has rejected my soul
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The Other Side of Hurt

by Grace Villa

Sometimes it feels as if I’m drowning
And it hurts to draw each breath
Some days I don’t see a way through
The water is deep and murky
And I can’t escape its depths 

Healing can be painful and scary
It’s so easy to just try and forget
To feel numb and float my way through
Distract myself with shallow pursuits
And avoid my empty bed. 

Some days you have to feel the pain
To remember what you’re working toward. 
Sometimes you really need that cry
Or you’ll never move on; never move forward

When the good times come around again
Oh how sweet they’ll be!
How precious and light it will feel
To have survived it 
And fought your way free!

To be able to say I did that- 
I made it through the darkest of times 
With my soul intact
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Easy Come Easy Go

by Trinity Rayne

Easy come easy go
Sometimes we swim with the rivers current flow
Calm on the surface, but chaos below
The current pulls you with force like a tornado
Easy come easy go
Sometimes we take life's punches blow by blow
Pain is a loop that life likes to throw
There are rounds we win and others times were hit with a ko
Easy come easy go
Sometimes we dance to beats and rhythms we only know
The speed at first fast then halts to a slow
We swing our hips to and fro
Easy come easy go
Eventually with the river there's no more flow
Eventually we stop taking life's punches blow by blow
Eventually we stop dancing to and fro, our heart beats begin to stop and slow
Our curtain call will come one day so enjoy life's show
Because we easy come easy go
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I’m Tired

by Elizabeth B

 It's a rush, you know? The thoughts that seem to not let me go.
Those thoughts I buried deep within, kind of like the grass beneath a winter snow.
The thoughts I don't want to remember because they're colder than December.
It's painless at first. You know, like a single drop of rain.
Until that single drop brings more... and more....then suddenly I'm in shock at the oncoming wave of pain.
It's not a superficial sore... it's the kind that is rooted beyond the core.
There's so much pressure and I stand confused.
Where do I start? Which part requires immediate attention? How do I choose?
I think to myself "fuck this is embarrassing, so it's like this again?"
Is that how others feel too? When I bring up my dark out of the blue? "Oh great, here she goes again. What's new"?
Is there such a thing as talking about it too soon, too late, or too much?
How do I block out the noise? How do I stop denying myself my soul's freedom? From the first time I spoke up... it was too late....the damage had already been done. Not that I didn't try sooner...I couldn't speak, I was cornered.
"What's wrong?" I can't help but just stare... how can I be sure you really want to venture there?
"You know, it's okay if you need to cry" are you sure?
I'm afraid once I let a tear slip the dam will break and it's a tsunami that will be faced.
"You know I'm here for you" are you really? If I let you in... will you still be here when I open my eyes again?
I want to speak and I want to trust... each time I inhale a breath my lungs become filled with dust.
Please don't look at me expectingly..... I don't know how to tell you what is haunting me. It's not strangers who have hurt me. The scars I bare.... come from my own blood family.
They're the voices I hear when these thoughts reappear. 
Please don't bother asking if I'm okay. I'll lie and say "I'm fine, I'm just.... tired".....of feeling like it's no use because my truth has long ago expired.
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Hollowed Out

by Trinity Rayne

You are like a fungus and a lumberman while I’m like a hollowed out tree
You caused years of suffering that festered in me
While I still may be living and standing tall I’ll never be the same as before
I no longer want to be hollowed out anymore
Did you take pleasure in planning to cut me down all while yelling timber
Then plan to use me for firewood with each burning ember
How do I heal those feelings of being hollowed out and hurt
How do I heal the feeling of being beneath dirt
Though being hollowed out certainly isn’t a pleasure
And being hollowed out isn’t a leisure
My hollowed out hole can serve a purpose for others gain
And I am strong despite my pain
But the difference between me
And a hollowed out tree
Is my hole can one day be healed and fulfilled
But we can both have a strong foundation where we can grow and build

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Just Silence

by Heather Rae

Just silence
surrounds me,
voiceless amongst
echoes
in this nasty motel.
Held by a fist
at the ready
of a yank,
in case
I've grown deaf
to the shackle
of his chain.
Just silence for
dawn does not
crack a break,
instead illuminates
locked doors,
barred windows
and even the shards
of glassed in hours,
shine in their mocking
of peace,
scattered in the sand,
resting in an ironic
display of freedom
after riding my throw
to the walls
of my captivity.
Just silence from
painted lips that
protect the truth,
"He takes care of me"
perched on my tongue.
words like love and protects
follow suit.
Who is she?
not seeing me reflected,
i find only a child
behind a stale shroud ,
astutely drawing
shadowed eyes,
with smoke and mirrors
she hides.
Just silence
as the sun dangles
just past my
tippy toed reach,
pathetic attempts
to restrain it's descent.
Girl of the night
wears a grown pose,
shirt without buttons,
my seat barely skirted.
an early catch,
I fetch the green
from a sweaty palm,
just another nasty buyer,
eager to purse.
Just silence, as
the screaming inside
feast on each scene,
each acted role, and the lines
I've learned to repeat.
It pounds in my ears,
through my core
and devours soul.
Shabby curtains close
just for a so-called rest.
Just silence
as I lay in squalor,
my body rigid
and maybe cold,
my skin is senseless
'cept for keeping
the many pieces within.
I drag myself to water,
scour it raw
but I'm to many layers
below
to find a remnant,
a sign of life below.
I no longer listen,
the bugle wont call,
there's no Calvary coming
to take me home,
just silence.
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Tell

by Trinity Rayne

All of the familiar bad voices in your head that ring a bell and you hate yourself enough to yell
All of the unhealthy choices you made turned you into a shell
All of it is torment and trauma laced with hell
All you have to do is change the narrative to go on and tell
Tell yourself you're worth it all
Tell yourself you're beautiful and don't put up a wall
Tell yourself to get back up when you fall
Tell yourself even though you're hurt Im here in the long haul
All of the faith you put in people who done you wrong
All of the trust you gave away to those who made you feel you don't belong
All of those who knocked your voice down and drowned out your song
All they done in the end was make you strong
Tell yourself not to be your own worst critique
Tell yourself despite your flaws you're not a freak
Tell yourself your future's bright even if it seems bleak
Tell yourself I love you and you're unique
My own father made me feel dead inside
My own father killed my voice until it died
My own father broke my heart until I cried
My own father didn't ruin my life even though he tried
So I tell myself even though to him I was the worst daughter he's ever had
You're amazing even when you think you're bad
I tell myself it's ok to feel happy and sad
So I tell you it's possible to build a wonderful life and be glad
Tell yourself I'll be there to hold your hand
Tell yourself I'll fix it and take a stand
Tell yourself it's ok if everything doesn't always go as planned
Tell yourself in the mirror you're priceless unlike a million or a grand
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Life

by Trinity Rayne

When were born we live this thing known as life
At some point in it theres always strife
There are times of joy mixed with chaos
But you can choose how you feel because youre the boss
There are times where we have things sorted out
There are other times when theres fear and doubt
Life is like a gps that suggests you where you can go
But on the way to your destination things happen that you dont know
Theres twists, turns, and bumps that put a kink in plans
With love and support you can get help from your clans
Sometimes in life youre all over the place
And even end up flat on your face
You feel good when you can accomplish any goal
When you fail one you feel like you dont feel as whole
No matter how good or bad things are they never last
Because in the blink of an eye they go by fast
As each day and year passes by were closer to death
Then one day life ends with a final breath
Who knows where we go after life surely ends
How you treated people in life is how it all depends
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Storm

by Trinity Rayne

Feelings brew inside me like a storm
When left unsaid I completely transform
Feelings inside me are buzzing like a swarm
Holding feelings inside have become the norm
When they're finally out they come down like rain
Holding feelings inside have been nothing but pain
I can't keep doing this again
Because if I do the storm inside will remain
I must open up no more hiding
From here on out this is what I'm deciding
When I clam up all I'm doing is fighting
It is better for everyone when I'm confiding
The storm inside of me has cleared away
I finally wake up and cherish the day
The storm inside is kept at bay
I finally feel I'll be okay
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