I NEVER LEFT YOU

by JenniferD

I never left you
I was there standing by the curb side always waiting, always wanting
To be accepted, to maybe for once be good enough ... to be loved

I never left you,
I gave as much as my heart could give, hurt as much as I could handle
Drew from a parched well, damp only from tears
knowing that no matter what ever I did... it would never be enough

I never left you
Even when Knowing that I would never have the right to any place in your heart ,
A void I had no right to fill ,
left vacant by that perfect daughter that wasn’t me

I never left you
At the operating theatres, at the Doctors, the cashiers, the ATMs. the shops
Installments for love or debts of duty?
But the price of approval, acceptance, kindness, and love has now become far too high

I never left you
Craving kindness, comfort, reassurance, respect
that never came
I settled for the hurt as your acknowledgement of my existence in your life

I never left you
And I never will
But I will no longer try and compensate for the disappointment
of not being the one
Accepting that I would never deserve that place in your heart

I will not leave you but I will never again leave myself open to hurt and disappointment and anger or bitterness

I pray for the patience, the acceptance and for the strength to walk the final journey .. in Peace

I will be there as it is my duty, but I will never ever leave Me again

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