Category: Childhood abuse

I Tried

by Trinity Rayne

What place do i go to find broken dreams that have died
How do i get back all the wasted tears on you i cried
The lies we lived no longer have to hide
At least i can say I tried
I found my new dreams and still have my pride
The tears i shed for you have long since dried
With the truths I tell I'm satisfied
At least I can say I tried
Repairing things with you are gone and got lost in a tide
It's pointless to keep attempting because we collide
The gap between us is far too wide
At least I can say I tried
The access to me you have been denied
I can't let things go anymore and easily slide
You missed your chance you missed your ride
At least I can say I tried
I can no longer ignore your comments that are snide
You told me to get over things but i have to deal with them and take it all in stride
I had to let you go even though it wasnt something i could easily decide
At least I can say I tried
Only I can be my own guide
Your rules I can no longer follow or abide
When were around each other or talk all we do is divide
At least I can say I tried
It's better to have loved and lost but now i can look on the bright side
It's time to say goodbye to Jekyll and Hyde
I take back the power I gave to you and supplied
At least I can say I tried
I do love you but I think your brain is fried
Im my only solution i can provide
I am sorry if it seemed i cast you aside but I had to leave to work on me and be dignified
At least I can say i tried
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Do You Miss

by Trinity Rayne

Do you miss how easily words could slip right out
Do you miss how things were before you had to shout
Do you miss the old life you used to know
Do you miss the sound of a river as you listen to it flow
Do you miss the warmth of the sun smiling on your face
Do you miss feeling like a winner only to finish last place
Do you miss it all
Without the fall
Do you miss who you were before your life took a different route
Do you miss all the fun life's supposed to be about
Do you miss all the things that will surely go
Do you miss all the colors your life had like a rainbow
Do you miss feeling full with no empty space
Do you miss God's amazing grace
Do you miss it all
Without the fall
Do you miss nature's call
Do you miss all your problems seeming small
It's ok to reminisce
Say goodbye to your past with a kiss
Make peace with it so you aren't staring into the abyss
It's ok to miss
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Stripped Down

by Derek M.

I'm stripped down
I'm raw
I'm vulnerable
I'm exposed
I'm humbled
On my knees
A broken man
Arms wide open
Such fiery rage
Such Sadness
Poison rolling through me
Cancer eating at my soul
Looking to consume me from within
Through my pain I finally see
What needs to be done
One last ride with my hate
One last ride through hell
We ride together
Then it's done
The poison is expunged
The cancer excised
I choose love 
I abandon hate
I seek peace
I seek balance
I seek quiet of mind
My path remains unclear
The destination not final
Yet I embrace hope
I shed my blanket of misery 
Keeping me warm for so long
I deny my captor
Every last Morsel of my soul
My broken body now forged at the breaks
I rise to my feet
Now the work begins
I'm prepared
Ready to face the path ahead
The journey will be long
It will be painful
Yet I'll be stronger still
at the end of the road
One last ride with my hate
Then I put it down; never to pick it up again
I choose love
and hope redemption lay within
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Missing

by Trinity Rayne

Was the love and approval I once was seeking from you non-existent like a magical fairy or a unicorn
I never asked for any of my issues and nor to be born
There was always a part of me deep down that was torn
I will find my missing pieces this is what I have sworn
I never knew what was missing and never knew the reasons why
I never knew how I felt stuck and what made me cry
I didn't know what was causing me to slowly inside die
I didn't know how to find motivation in life to try
I never knew what it was I was missing and I wondered how to find the missing link
Why couldn't I stop reminiscing about things that lead me to overthink
When will things make much better sense and be in sync
Will things be put back together again faster than I can blink
I'll go to the ends of the earth
To find what I've been missing since my birth
I'll keep going until I find out what I'm worth
Then once I'm a complete puzzle I'll smile with mirth
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Lessons from Dad

by Elise Gunnison

Pain and anger, flipping between hot and cold
This gaping hole, a yearning ache to hold
That elusive love, unconditional and pure
A love I never knew, a loss I thought I must endure
What does it feel like, a father who delights in your presence?
One who seems charmed, enchanted by your essence?
Whose love beams forth in encouragement and phone calls?
I wish you'd been the one to scoop me up from all my falls
To hold me close - in your arms and in your heart
To dust me off and pat my cheek, gently placing me back at Start
Cheering me on, the one always on my side
A safe harbor for my troubles; a door always opened wide
Receiving me, accepting me, loving me as I am
No walls and no rejection; no hiding behind your handicam
That you saw me for who I was
Not for your family you projected
And above all else, your number one job: ensure I was protected
From the ragings of your angry wife, hurling fire left and right
I wish you had defended me, that you'd been brave enough to fight
Entirely on my behalf, never urging me to yield
But had gathered me behind you, my very own dad shield

I wish I had been that precious to you
I wish on this Father's Day that I knew
You cared about me enough to listen
When I said things were wrong
And vital pieces were missing
From an upbringing you angrily insisted was fine
How does it feel now, Dad?
Since you've learned ties
Do not always bind?
But that is a lesson I learned from you
Your sisters: two aunts I never knew
You taught me you're allowed to have a voice
In who you call
Family
That we all have a choice
So this Father's Day, Dad, for all of this strife
I'll say thank you
For helping me
Cut
You
Out of my life.
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Fire

by Trinity Rayne

There's people in my life that I want and that I desire
But by keeping them around Im only playing with fire
They break my heart on and on
Then they burn me until Im gone
The people I want dont want me back
They burn me to the core until Im charred and black
These people that I want and desire leave me in my wake
All they do is leave a trail of endless heartache
When they are through burning me im in complete ashes
I should have known them being in my life wed have clashes
Keeping them all around they left a burn
Youd think by now that I would learn
The people I thought i trusted set me ablaze
But like a Phoenix I will raise
Ill pick myself up and stand my ground
The people who burnt me wont stay around
They left scars and burns on me but can no longer control my life
Because while they were in it there was strife
As I recover from my scars,bruises, and burns
I always know that I'll return
I can finally be free and recover in peace
Letting those who burnt me go I feel release
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Candy

by Trinity Rayne

Most of us people hold our feelings inside and so were alot like candy
We pretend to be all fine,good, and dandy
The ones who know us and love us really well
They know how to get past our hard outer shell
Our feelings are like the flavors trapped in the soft gooey center
Our loved ones are the only ones who know how to enter
Our family and friends know what kind of flavors we have underneath
They can break our feelings out from their protective sheath
So were alot like candy with a hard outside and soft inside
But when were around those who care its hard to hide
Were alot like candy in the end
But when were around those who care we don’t have to pretend
Were all alot like candy thats for sure
But with those who truly care we can be secure
Our loved ones know how our flavors can taste
They won’t let them go to waste
Those who know us and love us without a single doubt
They know were like candy inside and out

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Pawn

by Trinity Rayne

Do you feel like a pawn in life's game of chess?
People feel like that daily if I had to guess
People are being hurt, abandoned, and abused
Everyday more and more are being used
It really hurts to see it going on
It really hurts for people being treated as a pawn
The world is full of cruelty and injustice all around
All we want is for justice and peace to be found
Is there an end to the games being played?
Is there an end to people being scared and afraid?
Will life's game of chess ever end good?
Will it end the way that it should?
Will things ever be simple and calm?
Because everyday out there is like a ticking time bomb
Words are said and people are hurt
Then they end up like a used pawn in the dirt
It really is incredible that this happens every day
It can't all be prevented no matter what we do or say
It keeps happening from dusk to dawn
Because it is easy to end up as a pawn
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Ice

by Trinity Rayne

Life can be grand and it can be nice
But in mine there's been people in it who act cold as ice
I can name one person already who has had a hold on me
Their cold grip has kept me from being free
They acted loving and warm then they became a stranger
They have made me feel cautious and made my heart feel it was in danger
They had the need to control and the need to dominate
This person i thought i trusted is filled with such hate
I want to learn to not be like them and learn from their mistake
This person has reminded me of alot like a snake
Don't be like me and let anybody give you heartache
Stand up for yourself for you and your own sake
A person whose heart is cold as ice will not care about inflicting pain
If you have that kind of person in your life let them go because their loss will be your gain
They aren't worth the trouble or the misery they put others through
Don't keep them around or your heart may end up cold as ice too
They aren't worth the sadness no matter what they say or do
Don't keep them around so your heart can remain warm, pure, and true
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Woke Up

by Trinity Rayne

I finally see the light and im awake enough to see you as you are
I woke up to see your true colors as you left a scar
I was blind and in denial and didn't want to see
I woke up and i finally know you only cause misery
I finally woke up and saw that you will only cause pain
Keeping you around in my life I'll have nothing to gain
I finally woke up and i opened up my eyes
Youre not a good person and all you say to me are lies
I finally woke up and i definitely realize
You are not a catch and you're certainly no prize
I finally woke up and I know you will only make me cry
I finally woke up and know that i should tell you goodbye
I finally woke up and I know your heart is small in size
I finally woke up and walked away from you because im strong and wise
I woke up and realized my life without you is so much more at peace
I finally woke up and feel good things will never cease
I finally awoken and life is looking up
I realize now in my life you were a hiccup
I woke up and broke free from your hold
I woke up to find out you're a person who is indifferent and cold
I have finally waken up from being blind even though my eyes weren't shut
I woke up and got out of your rut
I'm not going to miss you because you only hurt me deep
I woke up and realized you're not someone I wish to keep
I woke up and got away from you so I could finally catch my breath
I woke up and saw inside of me you were only causing death
I woke up and got away from you and your backstabbing knife
I woke up and now I know I'm coming back to life
I woke up and I can live my life the way that I want to
I woke up and feel better since I cut ties from you
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