by LittleLizzie
still brings me fear. Will his echo ever disappear? The hands I feel still bring me despair. Will his traces ever go away from there? The face I see chased away my happy. Will his face ever be not so scary? It's a trap in my mind I see everytime I close my eyes. I wonder if he feels remorse taking the life away from a little girl? I wonder if he lays awake at night haunted by reliving his murder scene? I wonder if he too has ever fallen to his knees being unable to breathe as he rewatches the light he stole, fade from my eyes? Does he lose color hearing my name the way I do when I hear his? Does he avoid certain places that take him back to his stupid game? Does he lay awake rehearing my scream like I do with every dream? Does his heart stop at the mention of a basement? Does he look for every exit too… just incase I might be in the room? Does he care that I still remember what happened in that December? Does he think I was still too young and so I should forget? My being grew as I stayed put winging my way through life in hopes to not make another mistake. Was it really his sin or just a twisted lesson? Still naive, why did you do this to me Papa Steve? He's the shadow that comes to feed whenever my brain replays that time. I do what Google says to do in order to chase it away but my efforts only lengthen his stay. He's the memory who lives on each time I zone out into space. I long for the day I don't see his face. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong for wanting to seek clarity in the midst of this insanity? If I told him I think I learned my lesson will this hell I'm in be washed away? If I told him that I forgive him, will he finally be scrubbed off of my skin? The biggest wall I face, how the hell do I forgive him for what he did? How do I forgive him for all the nights I couldn't sleep!? How do I forgive him for who he took away from me? I've taken the medicine and then more and again more and still this little girl is left bleeding and sore. How do I forgive him for each pill that slides down my throat? I was his puppet, almost turned into his sex goat. These are a few of the thoughts that I keep to myself so I don't feel like a bother to anyone else. This living nightmare I tiptoe around so no one has to see me drown. The months of february-june are the most confusing for me. I can't remember those months in third grade. What happened to me to forget that but remember everything else? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
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