Twas the Night

by Tsuhai Nzinga

Twas the night of my death, when somewhere in the house
A creature was stirring, tiptoeing, quiet as a mouse.
In stocking feet, sneaking around with care
With malice and forethought, he knew I was there.
The child me nestled, covered and scared in my bed.
As the nightmare creature filled me with dread.
And mamma was long gone, leaving me alone in this trap
She’d left and settled her brain for my long winter’s nap.
And in opening my door, the creeping creature shattered
The peace of me, my safety and all life that mattered.
Away to a place, I flew away in a flash,
Out of body, out of mind, I made a mad dash.
The moon shone upon my body held below.
No luster, no life, no bright shiny glow.
To my wandering eyes, the darkness did appear.
And the creature was upon me, wielding the fateful spear.
The creature spear the driver, moving silently and quick
Some part of me knew something about this was sick.
Closing my eyes, knowing never to call his name
For his belt whistled, he shouted, covering me in shame.
“Never tell, don’t ever tell. You’ll be branded a Vixen!
Never tell, don’t ever tell. Or you’ll prance like Donner and Blitzen."
It was this night I began building my wall
Fuck everybody, damn it, fuck you all.
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,*
When they meet with the obstacle of being born to die.
Into the darkness my body and mind flew.
With a heart full of stone, bitterness and hatred too.
And in the twinkling twilight, I sat on a roof.
Wondering how a God of love could be so aloof.
As I grew in my head, no more turning around.
The past was too dark but to it I was bound.
I dressed myself in shame, from my head to my foot.
I was all dirty, tarnished with ashes and soot.*
A bundle of boulders I carried on my back
The appearance of strength hiding what I lacked.
My eyes, they didn’t twinkle. Though I laughed and made merry.
My cheeks flushed in shame, laughing to hide the memory.
My little mouth drew up like a bow.
Never speaking the ugly truth, but always in the know.
Holding tight to the secret through my clenched teeth.
Smoking and drinking to bury the secret way beneath.
The secret of broad darkness held as a lump in the belly.
Whenever he comes near, I shake like a bowl full of jelly.*
I wish I could be happy or jolly as an elf,
But to see him alive, puts my world on a shelf.
He winks his eye and twists his head
Blaming me for his wrong, filling me with dread.
He speaks not words about his own evil work.
But fills his mouth with lies telling me that I’m the jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,*
He speaks words of rhetorical prose
And springing upon the unaware who listen
He sways their mind with his “good” evil mission.
I once heard him say, when he thought I was out of sight.
“She’s mine and I own her, for I took her that night.”

 

*Words from the original poem. Used without permission