by Laura Howat
Devil doesn’t take a break Plenty of tricks has he You’d think I’d learn But he’s much smarter than me As he’s always reminding I was tough when little Wasn’t scared of fairy tale monsters Faced a real one every day We called him Father Tricked Mom into full time job To support his college dreams She also tended three young ones, cooked and cleaned Living in a trailer Beatings kept us towing the line Father our jailer For his son castration For his daughters evisceration Wife obliteration Moved us to isolation Then left with a smirk Her with no schooling money pride or work Tricked me last year With his crocodile tears Regrets make peace healing Instead trauma and double dealing Let him into my home Housed him fed him cleaned up after Said I must care for him who gave me life My only memories abuse abandonment strife He parked at table head Pontificating about the ways mom raised me wrong as he broke his bread Expecting kingly exaltation Should bow to his wisdom or I’m destined to have my own sons turn from me eternal damnation Disguised his talking flames Felt the incineration just the same Simple things like my asking not to wear hiking boots inside Instead he stomped and clomped and ground his dirt into cream carpet refusing to abide And stared and dared me to say more Took all my will and a crowbar to get him out the door Tricked me again Big birthday envelope Curiosity kicked in Hoped for some sentiment But a used calendar now that the close of year is evident His scribblings and past appointments Plus three pages both sides of single spaced rage Even mocking maternal grandma I never met who died at a young age Need to be told where my bad seed comes from With love Dad Wanted to burn it in a fire spit swear rip to shreds Not worth the ceremony so with a sigh tossed it in the trash instead Dad Father Don’t call him those anymore Just the Devil to me And I want to be free Hope this is the last poem of blame To Gordon His given name Now I’ve done a trick myself A lifetime to accomplish Deleted his voice message without listening To me a homage
Leave a Reply